Lost in the Beat Read online

  “Jase, I’m not stupid.” Tab pointed at him. “It only takes one to breastfeed. You’re trying to avoid me.”

  “I plan to be a great daddy, and a good one must make sure Fallon’s doing it right. Don’t harass me for my new daddy-duties.”

  Fallon laughed as she walked out of the room ahead of him. “What have I gotten myself into moving in with you?”

  “Gotta run.” He took off after her with a lurid grin.

  Fallon checked her watch as she tugged on fraying socks.

  Just after five in the morning. Her shift started at six. It’d be at least a forty-five minute drive from Jase’s house to her work.

  Shit, I got to get moving!

  She threw on tennis shoes and prayed the cabbie that should’ve already been here wouldn’t start horn blowing from the gate thanks to her tardiness. The ins and outs of how anyone got invited past those iron gates of security were a mystery. Wanting to keep a low profile and not be a nuisance, she decided the easiest choice would be to jog down the driveway to catch the cab. She’d already missed enough work. Any more time off and she’d feel the pinch in her pocketbook more than she could tolerate.

  She’d discussed with Jase last night his plans with Faith. There was the interview with the reporter this afternoon regarding Faith, and he promised again there’d be no face-shots. Apparently, Tab had made that a stipulation to the interview contract, which pleased her that Jase’s agent was on board with their demands. Until now, she’d never realized they worked up agreements for interviews. She wondered if this was a special occasion or if this was standard protocol for all interviews.

  After reading some tabloids, and how they skewed the truth, she did not envy the task ahead of him. Or his very public life, and it made her curious how much she knew about him was actually true. One thing she could say with certainty, she was thankful she wasn’t part of his world. Constant scrutiny in the public eye would be exhausting.

  Today would be Jase’s first time alone with Faith, and she’d be a liar if she pretended the idea didn’t make her nervous. He’d confessed he planned for the nanny to remain nearby just in case something he couldn’t handle popped up.

  Somewhat pleased that Jase demonstrated a sensible side by admitting he had a lot to learn where babies were concerned, she felt reasonably comfortable leaving Faith alone with him. Not that she had a choice, but she still found comfort in his practicality.

  After a mad dash down the stairs, Fallon slid to a halt in the kitchen. And gaped at the view.

  “Morning.” Jase wore a rakish grin, a bed-head of tangles, and shirtless, sexy tattoo sleeves along both arms. Dog tags dangled in the center of his chest from a black leather-looking necklace. She hadn’t seen any information about him being in the military. A pair of blue jogging pants hung dangerously low on his hips, so low the happy trail leading from his navel downward was visible a good two inches before disappearing beneath the cotton of his sweatpants. “I don’t cook, but I nuked a breakfast biscuit for you. Bacon, egg, and cheese. I hope you like them.”

  Surprised by his thoughtfulness, she nodded. She rarely ate breakfast unless it was dry toast, and that was an extravagant meal. Faith’s dietary requirements were Fallon’s priority, not her own.

  The last thing she’d anticipated was bad-boy drummer Jase Collins serving her breakfast. Him being considerate to her needs surprised her. Looking too sexy for his damn good and her peace of mind helped in no way either. The gal who woke to him every morning would be a lucky girl, if she could deal with his public lifestyle. Not to mention his love of groupies, which she couldn’t see him giving up for any length of time. Unsure why, she just couldn’t peg him as the settle down with one-woman type of man. No way he could return to a vanilla lifestyle. He’d be the sort that expected an open relationship.

  Wrapped in a paper towel, he slid the biscuit across the counter toward her. “I didn’t know what you prefer to drink for breakfast. Coffee is Fang’s morning pick me up. BuzzMe is Sam’s kick in the ass.”

  Curiosity had her asking, “What’s your favorite?”

  “I don’t do mornings. I’m rarely up before noon.”

  That meant he was up for her. A tiny shiver of delight circuited her spine.

  Hello, reality check. Too old to live for daydreams, she forced her sensible nature to the surface, chastising herself for reading more into his actions than he probably intended. He’d helped with Faith through the evening feedings as he’d said he would—a surprise since she hadn’t expected much in aid from him regardless what he said. Faith had been up twice last night, so he most likely had checked on her after she’d been given a bottle this morning. That could easily justify his early morning impromptu breakfast.

  Self-conscious by that likelihood and not wanting to be a burden, she avoided the elephant in the room and asked if he had any milk.

  Eyebrows jerking upward, he chuckled and removed a gallon of milk from the fridge. “You don’t drink liquor, don’t do caffeine, what are your vices, darlin’?”

  He pondered her as if she weren’t the norm and like he tried to figure her out.

  Does forfeiting my virginity to a rock star the night I met him count as a vice? “Um…I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

  “Why?” He held the insulated mug out to her, and she took it.

  The ‘why’ was mostly because she couldn’t think of a vice—other than her one instance with him, and she wasn’t sure that would be classified as a vice since it’d been a one-time deal. And she bombed at coming up with anything from high school either. She hadn’t been tagged with the ‘good girl’ slur for no reason. If she admitted to that, she’d sound boring. Or like a wannabe goody-two-shoes in the face of a rebel. “I gotta get to work before I’m late.”

  “I paid the cabbie and sent him on his way.”

  “Why?” Panic flared. A week worth of missed income already strained her bank account. It’d take too long for her to call the cab back. She’d never get there on time now, and as it was, she’d be pressing her luck anyway. If she talked hard and explained to her boss, maybe he wouldn’t fire her.

  She crossed her mental fingers and prayed hard.

  From his sweat-pockets, he pulled out a set of keys and a fancy-smancy, top of the line, cell phone. “I told you to consider the Land Rover yours while you’re living with me.”

  Hating the idea of being dependent upon him and the possibility of getting used to the luxuries he offered, she shook her head.

  “I’ll never drive it. It’s not my style.” He grimaced like it was a soccer van, rather than a luxury vehicle. “And you can’t afford a cab to work every day.”

  The cab fees would become astronomical, that’d been a dilemma she’d been mulling over. So far she’d only been able to come up with the solution of finding a job closer to home. His home, she amended. She couldn’t afford to become complacent even with her thoughts.

  “This shit is not up for negotiation,” he pressed when she remained quiet.

  She shot him a glare. “Even my parents don’t tell me what to do.”

  “Christ, you’re pigheaded.”

  “Ditto.” Independent by nature, being micromanaged by anyone irked her. She’d already seen firsthand that he possessed the same attribute. She also realized he enjoyed bossing others around and had an uncanny flare for it.

  “You’ll take the fucking car and cell and pretend you’re grateful.”

  She snorted. Pretending wasn’t in her nature. “I’m not real good with pretend scenarios.”

  Jase caught her hand with his. Upon contact, a shiver ran along her arm. If he failed to notice her response then he would have to be half-dead.

  His gaze jerked to her face, snagging on her lips as her tongue swished along her bottom lip. His nostrils flared. Had he caught her reaction to him?

  Jase plopped the keys and cell into her palm, and closed her fingers around them. His voice had grown a tad raspier when he spoke. “The phone is so I c
an get in touch with you in case of an emergency. You wouldn’t want to wait on a cab or a ride from one of us if there was an emergency with Faith, now would you?”

  The sneaky bastard was using her emotions for her daughter, but boy it was effective.

  “I took the liberty of programing my cell number into it. Sam and Fang’s are in there too. I also set up an M-Tunes account for you, and I downloaded all of Hot Wired’s songs to it. It ain’t right you don’t know our music.”

  Every cell in her body wanted to rebel on principal. Like the good girl she was, she succumbed to his demands. “Do you ever not get what you want?”

  “Yeah.” He stepped right into her personal space, knocking his very naked chest against her breasts.

  The way her nipples protruded upon contact, they might as well have been naked against his flesh. The simultaneous dampness in her panties unnerved her. Damn her traitorous body! She ignored the pulsing between her thighs and coerced her libido to focus on him and not her body’s yearnings.

  He lifted his hand and wrapped his fingers around her ponytail. A slow, gentle pull on her hair and he notched her head back. “Twice last year I didn’t get what I wanted.” He sounded put out by the inconvenience.

  Proof he lives a charmed life! That was as good as always getting his way in her valuation. She’d endured many more disappointments than that in the past year.

  His sapphire-blue eyes looked black in the dim lighting. “Care to know what those two were?”

  If she said no, then he’d suspect she predicted one of those disappointments centered on her or Faith. It’d break her heart if he said something negative about Faith. But if she said yes and it did center on her, she didn’t know how she’d react.

  “I’ll take your silence as a yes. Number one…I didn’t want Sam and Fang together.” Surprised, her eyes widened at his confession. The tabloids would pay good money for that juicy tidbit. “Didn’t think they were right for one another. Gave them a lot of hell for that.” He shrugged. “My accident—you heard about that, right?” At her nod, he went on. “It reminded me how short life is, so I gave them my blessing to be together.”

  Fallon licked her lips. “It was the right thing to do.”

  A humorous glint sparkled in his eyes. “I’m not known for doing the right thing, darlin’. Like now.”

  She frowned. “What do you mean? You’re doing right by Faith.”

  He adjusted his hand, sliding it along her ponytail, before burying his fingers into the coil of her strands beneath the snug grip of the rubber band. His other arm curled around her shoulders, drawing her tight against his frame. Her heart pounded in her ears, and he smelled good.

  “I’m not talking about Faith.” Jase nipped her bottom lip and at her sharp gasp, he took advantage and slid his tongue into her mouth. The cool minty taste of him verified he’d taken the time to brush his teeth.

  Her eyelids fluttered shut, and she groaned upon his first contact, a slow drag of his tongue against hers. The immediate surge of wetness that drenched her panties scandalized her.

  The hand holding the insulated mug punched the line of his hip and pants, the back of her fingertips grazing his flesh. Desperate to regain her lucidity, she dropped the cell and keys in her other hand. Their clatter went unnoticed when she won a handful of bare flesh.

  Her eyelids snapped open, and she spied him watching her. Fine lines creased the corners of his eyes. Again and again his tongue caressed hers, reminding her how he’d licked her breasts and between her legs.

  More moisture dampened her panties, and her passage clenched in need. She compressed her thighs, but that action caused her ache to grow instead of abate as she’d intended. He withdrew from her mouth, and she almost botched stifling her groan of disappointment. Awed by the effect Jase asserted over her body, she stared at his lips. She’d lost all sense of restraint when he’d put them on her.

  Just like the first time.

  “You were the second thing I wanted last year.” He removed his arm from her shoulders and ran his thumb along her jaw. “I had private investigators search for you, but they repeatedly came up empty-handed.”

  Stunned by the admission, she wasn’t sure what to make of it or if she even believed him. “Why’d you have P.I.’s looking for me?”

  “Because you’re the one that got away.”

  Jase looked serious. He didn’t flinch away from her direct stare. Didn’t grin, didn’t even blink. But the idea that she was ‘the one that got away’ was ludicrous…Fallon snorted, calling bullshit. She bet he said that to every woman he wanted to fuck. While he could have his pick of women, she was a convenient lay.

  I am no one’s dupe.

  “This chick isn’t stupid enough to believe that line.”

  A flash of hurt pinched his features. His mouth parted as if he’d say something, but he settled for shaking his head and dragging his fingers through his hair.

  Their sultry spell demolished, she watched him, refusing to allow herself to regret her callous honesty. He could have any woman he wanted, but she wasn’t for sale.

  Jase released his hold on her and picked up the keys and cell she’d dropped on the floor. He placed them on the counter and met her gaze dead-on. “You’re obviously not as intelligent as I thought you were either.”

  Ouch.

  “There’s a sensor in the car.” His tone was cool, devoid of any of the warmth they’d just shared.

  Had she not known better, even she would’ve had a hard time believing he’d just kissed her until her toes wanted to curl in pleasure.

  “It’ll open the gates when you leave and return. Have a good day at work. Tex will follow you there and keep an eye on you.”

  She reminded herself that Tex was Fang’s bodyguard. “I don’t need a babysitter, Jase.”

  “God, woman. Fine,” he said between gritted teeth as his fingers strangled the hair at the back of his neck. “Everything’s a battle with you. I only want to protect you, but have it your own goddamn way and learn the hard way.”

  He vacated the room with a long-legged stride, taking all the oxygen with him.

  Fallon expelled a weary breath. Hurting his feelings hadn’t been her intention. What she couldn’t understand was why her honesty upset him, but he expected her to be delighted over his fake assertion of her being the one that got away?

  Jason Collins was confusing. Understanding what motivated him would require lots of time in his company and as charming as he was, that might be a fatal mistake to her heart.

  Somehow Fallon made it to work on time, but just in the nick of time. She sent a silent prayer of thanks up when none of her coworkers were hanging out in the parking lot. They were good, honest, hardworking people, but she wasn’t a friend to any of them, and she feared the Land Rover would send the wrong message.

  Yeah, like I’m a kept woman.

  Gripping the steering wheel, she rested her forehead on it. The ridicule and jokes that’d fly behind her back would be intolerable. The saw-mill-whispers would be worse, stinging her pride. She was nobody’s business, and she wanted to keep it that way.

  To a degree though, she couldn’t deny she was Jase’s kept woman, even if there was no sex involved. She lived in his home rent free, enjoyed free meals—and boy was she enjoying the food. Except for the occasional dinners her mom cooked on her random day off, it’d been a long time since she’d relished a real meal. Since Faith’s birth, she’d tended to survive on cheap noodles, off-brand soup, no-ad peanut butter, and day-old bread. Jase’s pantry stocked the brand-name items she coveted, not the cheap off-brand ones she purchased.

  Living well thanks to him needled her pride, but for Faith her dignity could take the blow.

  Exiting the car, she locked up and entered the establishment. Afraid someone would dig through her purse and hijack the car—the restaurant wasn’t located in the most respectable part of town—she pocketed the keys and tossed her purse in a locker with her name on it. With no way to se
cure her valuables in the cubbyhole, she shoved the cell in her other jean pocket. She’d be mortified to tell Jase she’d lost the device on day one.

  After tying her apron on, she went to work and lost herself for the next several hours in morning orders. At her first break, she stepped outside to catch a breather. The cell in her pocket had buzzed earlier, nearly startling her into dropping plates of food. With some free time on her hands, she pulled it out and swiped her finger across the screen to turn it on.

  A text from Sam. Fallon liked Jase’s sister. Kindness offset her charming wildness.

  Smiling, Fallon tapped the text icon and opened the message.

  The air in her lungs solidified at the photo Sam had attached.

  2 cute 4 words, Sam texted.

  Jase rested on his back on the sofa in the game room, with Faith tummy-down on his chest sucking on her two middle fingers. One of his hands rested on her bottom as if to secure her in place, and the other arm relaxed over his head. Both of them snoozed.

  Tears blurred her vision and burned her sinuses. She envied him, hated him, and liked him all at once. She couldn’t afford for her heart to soften toward the bad-boy rocker. A broken heart was all he’d offer her. In spite of his words this morning, she wasn’t naïve enough to believe he offered her anything more than sex. And over the last week, there’d been random moments when his anger slipped through and he’d sniped at her.

  Why’d she keep father and daughter apart? Oh, right, because she’d been convinced he’d want no part of Faith. A little niggle in the back of her mind hinted she’d been worried about the realities and not that Jase wouldn’t want Faith in his life. She’d feared he’d become more important in Faith’s life, while Fallon would become inconsequential. Jase could give Faith the world. Fallon could only donate love.

  She swiped her fingers over her eyes, eliminating the moisture, and glanced about to make sure no one witnessed her mini-breakdown. Doubts were pointless. Borrowing troubles a useless hobby.

  Time to return to work. At least then thoughts of Jase, his to-die-for kisses, and the evident love he already held for their daughter wouldn’t intrude.