Lost in the Beat Read online

  She wet her lips. She hadn’t considered the possibility they would keep records when they photocopied the driver’s license the night their daughter was conceived. Liz possessed auburn hair, unlike Fallon’s bright red, so they’d hoped no one would notice the other differences in their appearances.

  Fallon swallowed past the sudden dryness of her mouth. “No.”

  “A minor?” He blanched at his own question.

  “I was twenty—”

  “Jesus fucking Christ! A goddamn baby.”

  “—when we were together. I just turned twenty-one—”

  “We fucked. We weren’t together.”

  “—a couple of months ago.” She flinched.

  “Jason.” His attorney opened a file without looking at his client. “Civility is a virtue.”

  “So is the truth.” He gave her a pointed stare and elevated his eyebrows. “Fallon suits you much better than Liz.”

  Yeah, she’d given them false credentials the night they slept together, had used one of her sorority sister’s because she’d been under twenty-one, and her sisters thought they wouldn’t let a twenty-year-old pass into the ‘realm of the rock star gods’. Neither could she get drinks without the I.D.

  Still standing, Jase placed his hand on the back of the chair next to his lawyer. “Where’s my daughter?”

  Fallon cleared her throat and rose from her seat. She pointed toward their child, but knew from his vantage point the table hid her. “Here.”

  “Everyone out. I wish to meet my daughter for the first time without an audience.” When she nodded, he said, “Not you, you stay.”

  Had nerves owned her earlier? Oh, no, that’d been mild to the idea of being alone with him.

  “I’m not leaving her alone with you, Mr. Collins,” her legal counsel, Bill, piped in.

  “It’s uncommon, Jason, for opposing parties to be left on their own when attorneys are involved.”

  Jase delivered a cool glance at Clark. “We’re hardly opposing when we both wish the best for our daughter.”

  Her attorney dug in his heels. “I’m not leaving, Mr. Collins.”

  “I’ll pay you twenty grand to get the fuck out.”

  “I cannot condone that,” Jase’s attorney said so placidly Fallon got the impression he struggled to restrain Jase’s larger than life personality on a good day.

  Bill gaped, and she knew it was probably more cash than he’d see all month.

  “It’s okay,” she interrupted their bickering. “I’ll be fine, Bill. If I need you, I’ll let you know.”

  It took further discussion and some affirmations that she’d be fine, but she finally convinced both lawyers to leave the room. As the two attorneys exited, she retrieved their child from the car seat where she continued to sleep. She stood and turned to face him, but he’d joined her and stood by her side, his focus solely on the infant in her arms. His expression one of awe.

  “She’s tiny,” Jase said as Fallon placed her in his arms.

  “Compared to you, yeah, but average for her age.” That’s what the pediatrician said anyway.

  Cradling the baby in his arms, he sat in a chair, gawking at her. “What’s her name?”

  “Faith after my grandmother.”

  “Her middle name?”

  Fallon swallowed, knowing her answer would be telling, but when she’d decided on a name for Faith she hadn’t planned to tell Jase about her. “Marie.”

  His head snapped back. A slight frown scraped across his forehead, and his mouth parted. Yeah, she’d done her history on him and knew that was his deceased mother’s name. It’d only seemed right to honor the woman who had brought her daughter’s father into the world. And she held no hard feelings toward him. It wasn’t his fault he was a whoremonger and gave her more pleasure than was warranted. He’d given her a child that gave her more love than she’d ever known.

  “Faith Marie Morgan. I figured she should have a piece of your history too since she is a product of us.”

  He didn’t express his thanks with words, but she suspected he was touched, until he said, “I’ll expect her to take my last name now.”

  “That’s not up for discussion.”

  “She’s my daughter. That means everything is up for discussion.”

  There was the Jase Collins she’d read about and remembered from that evening. He expected folks to bow to his whims. She hadn’t caved to her parents’ demands when they wanted her to give Faith up for adoption, or when they suggested an abortion, and she wouldn’t allow him to railroad her now. “She’s my daughter too. You wouldn’t even know about her—”

  “Speaking of….” He kissed Faith’s knuckles.

  That almost killed her. She’d expected him to toss money at her to go away, not show affection for their child.

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why now? You deprived me of even knowing about her existence.”

  Fallon looked away and crossed her arms over her belly. No comfort came from hugging herself. Should she tell him the truth? That she hadn’t planned to tell him at all? She feared that’d wound his pride. That wasn’t a good way to start their parenting relationship. She settled on, “I need your help.”

  “My money, you mean?”

  She shrugged, but it was the truth. She’d tried to make ends meet, but her waitressing job didn’t pay for daycare, rent, and all the other necessities of life. Since her breast milk had begun drying up, formula was adding an extra crunch to her pocketbook. She’d tried to get government assistance, but she’d been denied aid. So she’d sucked up her pride and done the one thing she hadn’t wanted to do…involved Jase.

  “I want something in return.”

  “I’m not whoring myself out to you.” Even though her body said she’d do it, that she’d be his sex slave for less, she held too much pride to submit to that.

  A twisted grin hit his lips. “I don’t buy pussy, sweetheart.”

  She cringed at his crassness.

  “I want my daughter in my life.” There was something so wrong about the words ‘pussy’ and ‘daughter’ being strung in back-to-back sentences. “You can either choose to live with us—”

  “I’m not living with you!”

  “A purely platonic relationship. I promise you, I want nothing else from you.” His gaze raked her in a way that left little doubt he found her lacking. “Or I’ll file for full custody. Your choice.”

  She despised the even keel of his voice while panic sizzled through her veins. “You didn’t even know she existed until three days ago!”

  “Thanks. To. You.”

  “Don’t make me regret telling you.” Unshed tears clogged her throat with a lump of fear. She was an idiot. She’d fed him ammunition to use against her and turn her life into a living hell.

  “I regret the four months I lost because of your selfishness. Howdy, gorgeous,” he said when he realized Faith had awoken and was staring at him. In response, Faith made cooing noises at him. “God has blessed me with you, cherub.” He kissed her forehead, and their daughter fisted his finger. Fallon’s heart tightened at their bonding. “Your choice, Fallon.” Oh, he was angry about the lie regarding her name. “I’m pretty sure I can convince a judge you’re unfit since you kept her from me. That, or I have the finances to drag this out in court endlessly. Do you?”

  And he was furious over just now learning about Faith. She’d made a huge error in judgment where he was concerned. She’d been so sure he wouldn’t be happy with the news. Had been convinced he’d agree to pay for her daycare expenses and be thankful she wanted nothing else from him. She hadn’t pegged Jase Collins, bad-boy drummer of Hot Wired, as a family man. Damn sure not a man with a fatherly bone in his body, and yet here he stood cuddling with his infant daughter for the first time and demanding rights she didn’t want to give him.

  Tears burned her eyes. “I did you a favor not burdening you with her. Your life isn’t kid-friendly.”

  His jaw tightened, and with a grace she
didn’t expect from him, he pushed to his feet. “Is that what she is to you? A burden?” His hard expression implied she disgusted him. “Just say so, and I’ll remove the burden from your life.”

  “She’s mine, Mr. Collins! Mine!” She swiped at the tears, but they kept falling. “I only needed a little of your help. That wasn’t too much to ask. Daycare expenses wouldn’t be missed by you, but would make a difference in Faith’s life. You weren’t supposed to want more! The world says you’re a coldhearted, selfish bastard. Why couldn’t you be predictable and be that?”

  Panic had her heart hammering against her ribcage. She wouldn’t allow him to take her child. She couldn’t. Faith was her world. But she’d scraped together the last of her pennies to hire the attorney. She wouldn’t be able to fight him for custody.

  “I am a coldhearted, selfish bastard. Don’t pretend I’m not just because I’m already in love with our daughter.” He stepped into her space and juggling their child in one arm, he cupped her chin with his other hand. His touch was firm, his gaze sterner.

  In that moment, she knew no one ever crossed Jase Collins without feeling the lash of his wrath.

  “Your tears mean nothing to me in light of what you’ve kept from me. Family is all that matters in this fucked-up world. Faith is now the most important person in my life. You will give me what I want or else….”

  Jase’s emotions were a mix of fire and ice. Icy fury had him blackmailing Fallon against his better judgment, while he yearned for her as hot as he had a year ago. She was the mother of his child, for God’s sake! A moral man would offer the aid she requested without extorting more from her. Even if she refused his offer to move in with him, he would take care of his child. But he couldn’t eject the visual of her in his home, surrounded by the wealth of his belongings, in a bed he paid for, and eating his food. He wanted the privilege of taking care of her just as with Faith, and that confounded him. Especially so when he knew nothing about her.

  I want her in my bed too.

  That had to be what motivated him. Because he damn sure still wanted to fuck her. Fuck her until she was either catatonic or submissive to him.

  He released Fallon abruptly moments before he shifted his hand off her chin and drove his fingers into her hair to draw her closer. There was not one reason why he should identify her as ‘his girl’. Sharing a child did not grant him privileges to the mother.

  He should feel like a bastard for making her cry, but she’d withheld the most amazing creation from his life. His anger wouldn’t sanction him caring for her emotions. Not in this moment.

  Faith made a squeaking sound, and his gaze landed on her as she stuffed her two middle fingers into her mouth and suckled. Wet smacking noises filled the air.

  My daughter.

  Knowing the perfect bundle cradled in his arms was his left him stymied. Why’d God bless him with her when he’d done nothing to deserve her? He’d executed plenty of sins without regret. According to the religion he’d been raised on, she’d been conceived in sin.

  His kid had lacked for necessities when he could provide her with the world, and that ate at him. The blame lay at Fallon’s feet, and that angered him too. He ran his fingertips along Faith’s cherubic cheek. Had Fallon been impressed with his finances, she’d have contacted him when she learned of her pregnancy and milked him for as many coins as possible. Like a normal woman in her position.

  “I’ll need to nurse her soon.”

  Jase’s gaze dropped to her breasts. The navy colored dress did nothing for her assets, but he thought her tits might be slightly larger. “You breastfeed her?”

  Pink tinted her cheeks. “Yeah…sometimes, but that doesn’t concern you.”

  He could not fucking wait to watch. “Since my daughter is going home with me, you just bought yourself a ticket to the Collins home whether you want to move in or not.”

  That thought had pleasure licking at him like a lover’s hot tongue.

  “That’s not a good idea.” There was little conviction in her voice.

  “Keeping her from me was not a good idea. What’s not suitable about the arrangement? I’ll provide support, you won’t have to worry, and family’ll surround her. What’s so bad about that?”

  “Daycare costs were all I needed to get by.”

  His jaw locked, and he ground his teeth together. Get by? “My daughter will never get by again. Do you understand? Fuck!” He jammed his fingers through his hair. “I cannot believe you even—I think it best we discuss this later before I lose my temper and retract my offer to let you live with us.”

  “You’re not taking her from me!”

  He elevated his eyebrows and smirked at her. By the tone of her voice she didn’t believe those words any more than he did. If he wanted, he could decimate her. Good thing he didn’t want to. Instead of replying, he changed the subject to leave her on edge. “Does Faith need nursing before I invite the bloodsuckers back in?”

  “I prepared a bottle for her. I knew she’d need to eat before….” With a huff, she shook her head. She retrieved the bottle out of a plastic grocery bag, and her arms shook when she held them out for Faith. Jesus Christ, she didn’t even have the money to buy a baby bag. That’d be remedied immediately.

  He extended his hand to take the bottle. “I’ll feed her.”

  Fallon hesitated before thrusting the bottle into his palm. She didn’t look at him, but studied their child while worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

  “Before?” he prodded wanting to hear the rest of her sentence.

  Faith slurped like they starved her. He grinned at her gluttony. Just like your daddy.

  With his head tilted downward facing his mini-me, he peeked through his eyelashes at Fallon. “She’d need to eat before what, Fallon?”

  “Before we were finished here.”

  They were a long way from being finished. Oh, no, they’d just begun.

  Smug with his victory over baby-momma, Jase openly rubbernecked in the elevator. Class-A assholes everywhere would be proud of not just his victory, but his tactics too. Instead of being tamed by a wee infant, his protective instincts had risen up, and he’d squashed the opponent. Rivals came in all manners. It was bad luck Fallon held the status of adversary in this instance.

  While negotiating the terms of their arrangement, he’d been ruthless with his demands. Shown no mercy. Squelching emotions, while demonstrating pitilessness, those were attributes of success.

  At the beginning of Hot Wired’s career, he’d learned how to devastate a challenger when it would gain him what he sought. That’d been a career. This negotiation concerned his child. Maybe he’d been more heavy-handed than needed, but he soothed his regret with the spoils of his war. Nothing and no one would come between him and Faith.

  He wasn’t sure what he planned to do with Fallon. Wanting her in his bed was one thing, but pursuing her was another. Only a stone-cold fuckwad would bang the mother of his child and then discard her once he tired of her. Jase questioned if he could be that coldhearted. But the bigger dilemma was…can I keep my hands off her like an honorable man would?

  Agreement signed, sealed, and delivered to the domestic relations judge, they vacated the premises with Faith still stowed in his arms and Fallon chewing on her bottom lip. Was she regretting her compliance? The way she teased her lip had him wishing he’d requested liberties. Not that her stick-up-his-ass attorney would’ve agreed. He’d recommended against most of Jase’s demands, but she’d consented anyway. During the discussions for custody-slash-visitation, she’d peeked at him while her attorney advised her. He’d seen the indecision in her gaze, so Jase’d elevated his eyebrows and nodded toward their infant nestled in his embrace. A subtle reminder he would move Heaven and Earth to retain full-custody if she declined his offer.

  Morals be damned when the needs of his baby came into play.

  Joint custody wasn’t that big of a hardship regardless what she put on.

  He’d been surprised when
she balked at him paying for everything. Her discomfiture bewildered him. It was his fucking money she wanted after all. He should be the one balking, not her.

  With his daughter fisting his knuckle, he’d looked Fallon straight in the eyes and said, “Nonnegotiable demand.”

  He would not take no for an answer on this. His daughter would want for nothing so long as he held the funds to ease her through life. Fallon could take a flying leap off the nearest bridge if she thought that shit would go down any other way.

  She’d relented. Another victory won.

  She’d argued the longest over residing with him, until tears brimmed her eyes, evidencing her frustration. Again he hadn’t waned in his request. In the end, he owned Fallon until Faith’s first birthday. Yeah, she could leave whenever she chose, but their daughter would remain in his care until she turned one. No adoring mother would abandon her child.

  I so fucking own her.

  And it’d gone on and on from there. Her final request, “I’ll keep working and paying my own way.”

  Jase had snorted, but executed a swirly motion with his finger for his attorney to sort out the paperwork so they could get the fuck out of there. He could pretend with her if that made her feel better. She’d be residing under his roof, eating his food, enjoying his electricity and water. He couldn’t figure out how she thought that indicated she would continue to ‘pay her way’. As for work, that just gave him more alone time with his kid.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re a relation of Satan.” With her jaw tight, one arm locked around her waist as if she hugged herself in comfort, she held the seen-better-days car seat in her other hand. That motherfucker would hit the garbage as soon as they arrived safely home.

  “Thank you.” He flipped out his cell and scrolled through his contacts.

  “That wasn’t a compliment.” Adorable. She sounded almost peeved by his appreciation.

  “Actually, it was.” Jase selected Tab’s name in his phone, the band’s publicist and agent. “You witnessed how I play hardball, and that upsets you because that showed you something you never predicted from the fun-loving, fuckable rock god….” Yeah, he was a rock god, and no he wasn’t conceited. Groupies reminded him of his god-like status after every gig. His focus sharpened on the one groupie that had gotten away, and the only one he’d ever wanted to see a second time. “I’m not a pussy, and no one dicks with my family. That tells you that you can be content knowing our little girl will be safe, which gives you a smidge of peace, but you worry where that places you in the line-up of offenders.”