Lost in the Beat Read online

  “I’m going to assume you’re a fool, Jase, because most men frankly are, so let me cut to the chase.” Eva wound her hair, looped it, and tied it in a messy ponytail. “She’s a rare gem that’ll only come along once in a lifetime.”

  “Don’t discuss me like I’m not present.” Fallon shot both of them a glare. “If you’re suggesting I need a savior from my mediocre life, then stop the assumptions. You’re making an ass out of yourself, Eva. And you barely know me. Serving you breakfast doesn’t count as knowledge. I can guarantee you both, I don’t need or want a man in my life. All they bring to the table is complications and drama.”

  Amused by Fallon’s outburst and outlook on the male species, Jase tucked hair behind his ear. “No offense taken.”

  “Take it however you want, Jase.” She chewed on her thumbnail and dismissed him by looking out the window.

  “That’s a broad canvas you just painted my entire sex with.”

  “Another life lesson,” she muttered, sounding emotionally drained.

  “See…” Eva winked at him. “Rare gem.”

  Fallon huffed, showcasing her irritation with them, but refrained from commenting further.

  Rain returned to the vehicle. Carrying a handbag should’ve detracted from his lethal deportment. He handed the purse to Eva, and she passed it off to Fallon.

  They hit the road without a single word being spoken.

  Once they’d lost the few pap that attempted to follow, Jase told Rain, “You’re hired.”

  “Ms. Morgan, call me Rain.” The man driving met Fallon’s eyes in the rearview mirror. His no-nonsense attitude interjected a semblance of calm into her flustered state of mind. “It’ll be a pleasure protecting you and your daughter.”

  Fallon flinched at the reminder they required protection. She pressed her fingertips to her eyes. “I can’t believe this is my life. Faith’s life. How stupid I was to think you’d make things safer and better for her.”

  She thought Jase grit his teeth. His fingers beat against his leg, and his voice held an edge of winter in it when he responded. “If you’re itching for a fight, Fallon, I’d suggest you wait until we’re alone.”

  Hint taken, she crossed her arms over her chest and hugged herself. Every time she thought about the things those reporters said to her, the humiliation almost broke her down into another bout of tears.

  I have no one but myself to blame. She’d sought Jase’s assistance. He’d never have known about Faith otherwise. Yeah, no one but herself to blame. And it wasn’t Jase’s fault either. He couldn’t help he was a celebrity any more than she could help she’d lost her job.

  “What slurs did the press say to you?”

  That Jase guessed they’d issued insults revealed her daughter’s future headaches.

  Fallon shook her head at his question. Having him know the smears they had tossed her way would be even more humiliating than living it had been.

  When she didn’t speak up, Eva detailed the nastiest of the comments.

  Unable to meet his gaze, she ground her molars together and turned her head to stare out the window. Silence descended, along with an uncomfortable tension.

  As they wound up his driveway, she sighed in relief. She couldn’t exit the vehicle fast enough. The moment the car slid to a halt, but before Rain put it in park, she threw open her door and launched from the vehicle, stumbling in her haste.

  Derr met them in the garage. Needing to lick her wounds in private, Fallon would’ve breezed past him but he halted her with, “You okay, doll?” Without looking at him, she nodded and was surprised when he embraced her in a hug that cut off her air. Her surprise must’ve shown when she peeked up at him because he said, “You’re one of us now. We protect our own.”

  The inability to wrap her brain around his pledge had her blurting, “You don’t even know me, Derr.”

  “I know you love and took care of my niece when the odds were stacked against you.”

  She chose not to point out that Faith technically wasn’t his niece. The past week had shown her the band might not be blood related, but they were tighter than most families.

  “I know Jase was your last option and your pride is taking a hit by allowing him to look after you both.”

  Her mouth parted on a silent gasp. Had it been that obvious she resented Jase’s money?

  “You’re a tough cookie, and you don’t put up with Jase’s bullshit.”

  “Hey!” Jase objected.

  Derr ignored him. “If you ever need to talk, I’m kind of known for being your go-to guy.”

  She shook her head. She’d never understand why Jase or his band accepted her into their group without questions. No one worked like that in her family.

  “Yeah,” Jase piped up. “Derr lives for those heart-to-heart talks.”

  “At least I’m not an insensitive dick.” Even though Derr issued that slur, she could hear the fondness in his voice.

  Sam marched out and hugged Fallon. “I just saw clips on ViewTube. Ignore those ignorant fucktards.”

  Oh, my God the humiliation can get worse! How many others would witness her degradation. She needed to get away from Jase and his family. “I’m going to go check on Faith and then get a bath.”

  No one spoke as she walked away.

  Worst. Day. Ever.

  Hassled by the press and fired by her inconsiderate employer. She’d have to map out the nearest businesses tomorrow and start pounding the pavement for a job. With nothing in savings, she’d be forced to depend on Jase’s kindness or move in with her parents in the interim. Her deal with Jase wouldn’t allow for her removal of Faith from his home even for a short amount of time. At least not without his permission, and she knew he’d never give it. Neither could she imagine being parted from her daughter. Not ever.

  Frustrated by her predicament, she entered Faith’s room struggling to fight back tears once again. The nanny, Helen, reclined in a rocker next to Faith’s crib reading a book—Creatura by Nely Cab. She glanced up as Fallon entered. Fallon’s hello smile felt stiff, and she prayed the other woman missed her distress.

  Halting beside Faith’s crib, she gazed at her daughter, and felt a little of her tension melt away. Asleep on her tummy, her two middle fingers were half out of her mouth, verifying she’d been suckling them when she fell asleep.

  “How long has she been sleeping?” Her voice sounded raw. Being strong and holding in tears sometimes hurt worse than the actual crying.

  “Twenty minutes max.” Helen closed her book and rose to stand beside Fallon.

  “Good book?” Books were the farthest thing from her mind, but she required a distraction from today’s drama.

  “Sooo good.”

  “What’s it about?”

  “It’s got a new twist on mythology, and the hero,” the nanny let loose a dreamy sigh. “Well, let’s just say David is my newest book boyfran.”

  Fallon smiled. Book boyfriends were the best, less complications than the real deal too. She’d discovered that firsthand. “I’ll have to check it out soon.”

  “You’re welcome to borrow my copy once I’m finished with it.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Are you okay, Ms. Morgan?”

  “I’m good.” The biggest lie she might’ve ever told. “Please, call me Fallon.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Fallon gave a mental sigh. She hated being called ‘ma’am’ almost as much as she did ‘Ms. Morgan’, but she was too tired to argue. “I’m going to take a bath.”

  In her frazzled state, she very much feared relaxing would be a foreign concept for a while to come. Before she could make it to the tub, someone rapped on her bedroom door. As she walked to the door, she yanked the rubber band out of her hair. The long strands fell around her shoulders as the door swung opened to reveal Jase standing on the other side looking as sexy as he had this morning. The only difference was now he wore clothes.

  A shame.

  She shook off the thought and
stared at him. When he’d walked into the bathroom at the diner, she’d felt his presence as if he manifested static electricity simply from his charisma. Elated he’d come to her rescue, she’d almost leapt to her feet and embraced him. Her savior. Her hero. The one man who’d forced passion from her, and the one man she could never have. She depended on him to provide for Faith, but he couldn’t be her redeemer also. That was too much to ask of anyone.

  Even though she felt all that, she resented so much about him. His money, the ease with which he did everything, his confidence, but most of all she resented his abundance of time with Faith. He didn’t have to micromanage his time to spend with Faith because he controlled his life, while Fallon struggled to balance the few hours of measly quality time she had with Faith while working as many double-shifts as possible. And still, she only eeked out a living.

  The duality of her emotions confused her. How could she be attracted to him and resent him at the same time?

  As he strode into her room, his confidence that she’d invite him in—of course I will, it’s his house—oozed from him in a demonstration of his long-legged lewd amble.

  Okay, so maybe his walk wasn’t lewd, but it sure made her think lewd things. She could safely say it was a unique swagger she thought she could identify from a distance.

  Jase Collins was comfortable in his skin, knew who he was, and where he belonged in the world. Fallon had never felt such confidence about anything. Not even when she’d been voted ‘most likely to perform brain surgery’ in high school. Of course that hadn’t really been a praise, but more like a backhanded compliment since they’d been poking fun at her geekiness. Even so, she’d preened for a month because they recognized her brains and hard work, and she’d been determined to mock them with her success.

  Look at me now. An out of work single mother freeloading off Jase. The press ate this scenario up. She didn’t want to ponder what her former classmates thought.

  She wanted to crumple to the floor and cry. Bucking up, she took a deep breath and centered her mind on Jase.

  Fallon contemplated whether she should shut her door or leave it open. Being alone with him in her vulnerable frame of mind could be a bad idea. But airing whatever he came to say for whomever chanced walking past the bedroom might be a bad thing too.

  Jase took the decision out of her hands and nudged the door shut with his foot. A heartbeat later he pressed her against the wood. He slid into her space and leeched much needed oxygen from her brain, making it impossible to conduct rational thinking. Or maybe it was the way her blood pooled between her thighs that eliminated all reasoning.

  “Jase—”

  “Shut up. You think too much.” He dug his fingers into her hair and rested his forehead against hers.

  She should’ve taken offense to his comment, but with the way his minty breath puffed against her mouth in wispy erotic kisses, like a narcotic enticing her to forget her objections, she lost the ability to care. Eyelids drooping closed, her hands rested on his hips and rubbed back and forth along the waistband of his jeans.

  “I was worried when Eva called.”

  A brush of his lips against hers, and she parted hers to receive his breath. A slow glide across before rerouting the other direction. The friction wasn’t enough. She wanted the solid press of his mouth on hers, anything to wipe out the memories from earlier. She tilted her head back to take what she wanted, but he pulled just out of reach.

  One hand glided downward to cup her nape, while the other slid down her arm to grasp her fingers and lace theirs together. “I watched the video Sam saw.”

  Fallon cringed.

  “They’re wrong.” Drawing her hand between them, he held hers against his heart. “You’re sexy as fuck.”

  Talk about ruining her mood. “I don’t need a pep talk.”

  “Don’t pretend their words or bullshit assumptions didn’t hurt.”

  “Sure, I hated being their focus, but it’s not the first time I’ve been bullied, Jase.” Being of the nerdy sort in high school was as good as a stigma. “Bullies can be summed up in two words. High school.” Not that he’d understand.

  “Yeah….” He dragged the word out as he slid his lips along her cheek. “High school pretty much sucked for me too.”

  “Really?” Fallon relaxed her head against the door and gazed at him.

  He grinned. “I should show you photos. You’d understand why I wasn’t cool or a babe-magnet, but I don’t want you to ever think of me that way.”

  It was doubtful she’d ever be able to think of him as anything but a killer sex god.

  “Look at you now, Jase.” She bet all those girls that ridiculed his style wished they’d given him the time of day now.

  “Look at you now, Fallon. Your bullies wish they were you.”

  That served as ice water, killing her libido. He might’ve been uncool as a teen, but he still had the knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time…or maybe it was the right thing at the right time because she’d been well on her way to stripping for him. If he’d asked.

  What is it about him that makes me forget all common sense?

  She must stop thinking with her pussy and start depending on her wits.

  Fallon pushed him away and sidled from between him and the door. Putting distance between them, she strode across the room until she neared the dresser. She unhooked her watch and placed it on the top of the dresser.

  The way he studied her, she thought he attempted to gauge her temperament. “Sam wants you to go to the spa with her. Said it’d relax you. Afterward she’s planning on gussying you up and making the press ‘eat their heart out’—her words not mine. I told her you are fucking perfect just the way you are.”

  “Sorry, I can’t.”

  “Please don’t hurt Sam’s feelings. She likes you and wants to be your friend. She doesn’t have many girlfriends, so I’d hoped….”

  He didn’t finish, but she could easily finish for him, and guessed he’d hoped Sam and her could be friends. “I like Sam too, and I’d like to be her friend. But I can’t afford a spa day, Jase. Recently unemployed remember?”

  “I’m paying.”

  “No.” Independence came at a high cost, like now when it’d be easier to concede and just let Jase take care of her.

  “Stop being so goddamn pigheaded. I want to help you.”

  “Right. Like you and the band let anyone help you all when you were trying to make it big.”

  “We did.”

  She narrowed her gaze on him, hesitant to believe him.

  “We cashed in every favor we had. Used any free help we could get. Darlin’, getting a shot at the big leagues is half the battle. There are bands that never get a shot. Doing something with that opportunity once we got it was all on us. Just like your scholarship. You got a free ride, what you did with it was on you. Getting sucker punched in the middle of it wasn’t on your agenda.”

  She looked away, staring at the lawn without really seeing it.

  “You lost your job through no fault of your own. I am not without culpability in all of this. You’re a strong, courageous woman. No one can say you’re not, but all of us need a little help sometimes.”

  Damn him. Damn him for being so considerate. That empathy spit in the face of his tabloid-tactless façade.

  With her throat raw from resisting tears, she cleared her throat. “It kills my pride to accept your help.”

  “You kill my pride.” That got her attention. Settling an uncertain squint on him, Jase didn’t make her wait before he explained. “I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me when the one woman I want rejects me.”

  He waited like he expected a response.

  She opened her mouth to say something, but…what? Confess she wanted him very much? That’d be a nightmare, and she sensed giving in to him was the worst move she could make. But stringing him along wasn’t her style, much less her intent.

  Closing her mouth, she shook her head.

  “I
know I’m arrogant, selfish, and spoiled. I have as much tact as a drunk redneck at an Alabama and Auburn football game.” Fallon didn’t even know what that last part meant. Didn’t matter, he kept talking anyway. “I don’t give two-fucks what anyone thinks of me, and the fans eat that shit up. I’m an ass to everyone because most folks are beneath me. Beneath me because almost everyone wants something from me.” He strode—more like stalked—straight to her and captured her face between his palms. His sapphire eyes held hers captured in his gaze. “But you don’t want a goddamn thing from me, and that confuses the hell out of me.”

  “I do. I want you to take care of Faith.”

  “That’s my job. My choice. Faith is my pleasure, my joy, and my heart. But what I do for her isn’t something you want.” He released his hold on her, but remained rooted where he stood, his stare daring her to look away. “Tell me what I can give you.”

  He had no idea how much sexier he’d just become. Just a few days was all it’d taken for her to realize how wrong she’d been about him. There was so much more to Jase Collins than the rebellious, carefree, oversexed drummer of Hot Wired. She would’ve never thought he’d be a family man, but that’s exactly what he was.

  Yeah, he was everything he’d described about himself. Arrogant with good reason, and spoiled by all the free sex his wealth and sex appeal drummed up. But selfish…she hadn’t seen that side of him yet. Even though he’d fucked her, he’d given her pleasure when he could’ve just taken his own. After discovering he had a daughter, he’d only asked to get to know her, and demanded he take care of her. Now he wanted to aid Fallon without a single expectation from her.

  Fallon shook her head and wished she could be what he wanted her to be, but that wasn’t in her. “All that matters to me is Faith. Take care of her, and you’ve given me everything I could ask for.”